The Way Fayer

Here’s a thought: how much can a person endure? Simply put, we are capable of enduring anything that we choose to. Our bones and flesh may fade back into the dust from which they were formed, but our spirits are ones of endless potential. Humans have always been fascinated by eternity, for we know that transcience is wrong with how much soul we have in such measly bodies. But an individual’s heart can prove its limitations as a necessary component in its perpetuation—even through the darkest of trials.

Take, for instance, Dr. Viktor Frankl. As a prisoner in Nazi concentration camps during the Holocaust, Dr. Frankl saw the depths of human malevolence. In his book Man’s Search for Meaning, he describes in vivid and terrifying detail the extent to which he suffered alongside his Jewish brothers and sisters. Nevertheless, his reflections and corresponding evaluations reveal that finding a purpose greater than our circumstances is essential to perseverance. When we have that, we can survive even as our bodies fail us.

On a side note, Dr. Frankl’s ability to review and analyze the horrors of the Holocaust from a psychological, religious, and philosophical perspective showcases a comprehensive approach missing in many contemporary works. People become dogmatic when they think that one viewpoint supersedes all others. Psychologists conform to research; religious people become overly fundamental and reject obvious uncertainty; philosophers wallow in philosophical musings about the world without action; and politicians promote whatever truth they are paid to represent. In a perfect world, we would all work together.

To continue, there is something else I think necessary to establish. Perseverance comes with a cost. As we fight through these battles, we must encounter numerous breaking points. A breaking point is like a precipice, the edge of a cliff overlooking a foggy expanse. It indicates that we have lost our way, and it is frightening. It hurts. We are left with a choice: turn around and find our way back home or let arrogance guide us into the mist below. Unfortunately, the mist is tempting, full of sirens promising to fulfill our worldly desires if only we let go of our humanity. To walk once more through the woods that led to this place will expose us to the battle of life once more, thorns and all. In the mist, we lose the danger of the fight, but with it, we let go of hope, ambition, and our soul.

Recognizing these breaking points in real life is the most important part of the process. This is because, in addition to willingly succumbing to them, we can be tricked into walking over the edge without even realizing it. Sometimes we believe that we are solving our problems when, in reality, we are furthering them. The expectation of a reward for our toil is like a lotus flower that keeps us from returning home.

To provide an example, I would like to consider a hypothetical scenario that is all too common. A young woman meets a reckless young man who has a history of cheating, bullying, and carelessness. Yet, his “bad boy” charm has an appeal that draws in the young woman. She finds him nice when he wants to be, affectionate in an elusive kind of way, and determines that she can settle him down. The two begin dating, and all seems well at first. Over time, however, he sporadically returns to his debauchery. He lacks self-control. Nevertheless, when he is good, he is great. Then, weeks or months later, he defies her trust. This has a devastating effect on the young woman, but her determination to “fix him” becomes an addiction. The constant waxing and waning of their relationship plays with her dopamine receptors in a fashion that binds her to a loop of never-ending dissatisfaction. She has crossed the threshold of the breaking point without even realizing it. If she has realized it, on the other hand, then she has hearkened to the songs of the sirens because she would rather lose herself than lose the boy. Some people escape from these situations. Meanwhile, others lose themselves to them and never resurface.

So now you may be wondering, “How can I recognize the breaking point before I reach it?” The answer is—and forgive me for my simplicity—courage and self-awareness.

In most cases the breaking points are more obvious to others than they are to us. Unfortunately, we are susceptible to the dangers of self-sabotage. The mind is immensely powerful, capable of gaslighting itself into terrible situations or (to put it more poetically) conjuring delusions that tempt us into hell. It’s frightening how easy this is. It is the root of most if not all addictions. It blinds us to the breaking point and lures us into its trap. Therefore, we must be brave enough to talk about our problems with trusted advisors.

Additionally, we must learn to use discernment and question our intentions before we act, leveling our impulses with the wisdom provided when we patiently summon the mind’s capability to serve and not mislead us. Don’t become a slave to your mind, especially the part of it that desires instant gratification. Master your mind by pursuing a purpose that is larger than any situation or trial. Master your mind by submitting it to God.

When confronting our breaking points, we must recognize them for what they are. Warnings. What exists beyond them will try to tempt us, wearing the guise of benevolence and proclaiming a false sense of truth. Listen to such temptations as you would an annoying, fabricating child. Then walk away. You have better things to do.

Many of us regularly experience mental feedback (as in the screeching of a speaker when the mic picks up on the output signal), whether it be anxiety, depression, OCD, eating disorders, bipolar disorder, PTSD, etc. That list could go on for a while. Those of us who face challenges related to such things encounter breaking points frequently, sometimes multiple times a day. This can make it challenging to accomplish day-to-day tasks against all of that noise, but most of the time surmounting it comes down to how we choose to confront it. Of course, there are parts of it that are inevitable. That’s life. Suffering is unavoidable. Pain is always lurking in the corners even on the brightest of days. We are subjugated to a kind of weather of the mind beyond our control. And yet, we can control our response to it by taking shelter, establishing a posture of resilience against these demons, and choosing to stand up when knocked down by the storms raging internally.

This means forcing yourself out of bed and walking in the sunshine despite your depression. It means practicing mindfulness when you feel the tendrils of fear beginning to envelop you, consciously not giving into negative impulses or compulsions. It might be as simple as smiling when you really feel like standing in opposition to the world. This might seem like an oversimplification, but mastering self-control is the key to getting better. Nevertheless, it takes time and practice.

As fear threatens to besiege our minds and our hearts, we must be prepared. It will use everything in its ability to try and overcome us: half-truths, confirmation bias, emotion, illogic, and outright lies. Against these forces, we must remain calm in order to respond appropriately. When something truly threatening comes along, we will know the difference.

The breaking point happens as soon as you feel anxiety creeping into situations where it doesn’t belong. When you hear feedback at a concert, you know that it isn’t a part of the song. Instead, it serves as a sign for the artists to adjust their equipment and the technicians to check the volume controls. Meanwhile, if an alarm went off in the same auditorium without ceasing, you would recognize some kind of real threat. Prolonged feedback would simply annoy you because it is a distraction from the performance, therefore it is addressed quickly to prevent that from happening. The moment we hear feedback (metaphorically speaking) is the moment we realize we have reached a breaking point. Though it seems intuitive to walk toward the speaker—which is causing all the racket—if we have the mic in our hand the feedback is only going to get worse. Walk away from the breaking point so you can resume playing your music.

Before closing, we must ask ourselves the ultimate question: Why all of this suffering? If it weren’t for that, we wouldn’t have to worry about distinguishing breaking points in the first place, right?

True … but it is necessary. It shows us who we are. It guides us to the heart of creation, purifying us by scorching away the impurities that prohibit us from walking the narrow path, the one less traveled by. We are like silver in a furnace, painfully embracing the harsh realities and, as a result, becoming stronger. Of course we cannot understand it entirely. Although, we can have assurance that if it were completely void of purpose it would not be here for us to contend with.

To return to Dr. Frankl, he founded what is known as “logotherapy.” Logotherapy focuses on the utilization of tension to find meaning in life. This entails embracing suffering and seeing it as necessary, much like fear. This doesn’t suggest that we should willingly put ourselves in bad or dangerous situations, but it does mean that we should find ways to challenge ourselves by doing things we don’t want to. Contending with situations where we have nothing to do except overcome or learn from our mistakes is the foundation of growth. The trees with the deepest roots are those that have been blown and tossed by the wind but stood their ground in the face of such resistance.

Nietzsche said, “He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.” Find your why.

Therapy is a great way to confront your breaking points. Through it you can learn how to avoid that pit of despair hiding behind them, and anytime you so much as recognize a breaking point, you are doing something right. Thus, let them keep you on the pathway to truth. Use them to help you walk the tightrope between order and chaos—life and death—truth and grace—perfection and sin. We flee from sin because running from darkness guides us into the light. Sometimes running away from something is equally as effective as running toward something else, or perhaps even more effective. Find the balance, and remain cautious of the edge.

Allow breaking points to teach you by breaking you, but don’t remain broken. Die to yourself so you can find new life, but don’t stay in your grave.

J.D. Salinger wrote this in Catcher in the Rye: “The mark of the immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while the mark of the mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one.”

Seek truth, embrace suffering, and through your suffering, find your life. In all things, however, ensure that you are doing it for the right cause. Don’t suffer in vain.