I face fear everyday. It is my response to the angel and demon on each shoulder that propels me into a longing for the narrow road, that narrow path that burns through suffering like fire chasing a trail of gasoline. My fear—my suffering—is necessary for me to find purpose in life. I have demons in my head, but I have angels in there too. A spirit of fear is simultaneously an opportunity to transform ourselves into something greater … if we harness it.
My fear of incompetence compels me to put words on paper. It allows me to rebel against the doubt tempting to pull me into the darkness. I refuse to be a double-minded agent of chaos; instead, I choose to prevail in the face of sin (that which means missing the mark). I embrace my fear so that it can pass in and through me, refining me in the process. Eventually, I will be without sin in death or otherwise. I am competent because I run from incompetence.
My fear of death drives me to live each day like it is my last. I am also of the opinion that we die to ourselves regularly. Every time we lose a loved one, we lose a part of ourselves. When we find ourselves living in sin, we correct our mistakes by killing the source of deceit within us. The past is a graveyard of who we used to be, whether that be two minutes ago or two years ago. Meanwhile, the future is a North Star of possibility. The present is merely the intermediary that makes it possible for us to embrace death and step into new life continually. Death gives balance to life and makes eternity possible.
My fear of rejection teaches me to be selfless. When I stand before a crowd of people, I decide to concern myself with whatever is in their best interest. When I fear rejection, I quickly realize my own egocentrism. Becoming a servant is allowed when I turn from the promises of ruthless self-preservation and take up my moral obligation to look outward. While it seems paradoxical, the depth of genuine introspection impels us to look outside of ourselves. This is because introspection involves questioning our motives, and the conceit of careless self-preservation is a beacon of distress. The most dangerous people are those who will do anything to maintain their own satisfaction.
My fear of inability or lack of success is derived from a sense that my identity is predicated on what I do or what people think of me as a consequence. The truth is, we are who we are. What we do is merely an outflow of that. What makes a tree a tree? The same thing that makes a cow a cow. Nature has a kind of harmony that connects all kinds of life, even those without a heartbeat. With that said, what makes us human? Our souls. Who we are deep inside. The part of you that you know is you but that you can’t explain. A good tree produces good fruit. A good cow produces good milk. A good human produces good love. My fear of inability or lack of success shows me who I am regardless of what I do. It makes love mean something.
Ultimately, there is a spirit of fear that encapsulates all individual fears and exists all around us as well as within us. It is a hierarchy: a family-tree of interrelated value. To overcome it, we have to utilize it and let it teach us. Sometimes, we have to fight it. Other times, we have to run away from it. Nevertheless, we must see fear as a tool rather than an enemy. We should contend with it with a posture of humility, patience, and malleability. I still have a lifetime of fear ahead of me, but I have faith that it will all work out in the end.
The Way Fayer 
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